Saturday, November 27, 2010

Negative confirmed

Just got confirmation of what my heart already knew. I am devestated, hurt and so very angry at the world right now.
I honestly don't know what to do with my life. I gave up a career. I have made my whole life about becoming a mother and I am not sure how to find meaning in anything.
I resent other people's happiness and joy and I can't see how I am ever going to be happy again. I am even willing to cut all ties with my family and DH's family so I don't have to subject anyone else to my heartache. Their lives are continuing...there are babies being born and people trying to have babies and I just can't be around it without feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could move away and start all over. Running from things is my best defense.


  1. i'm so very sorry. not sure if you're ready for this yet, but have you gotten a 2nd opinion? have you had the full workup of tests: immune, clotting, karyotyping? have you looked into PGD/PGS/CGH testing on your embryos? i know it's hard now but i hope you can manage - when you're ready - to find that sliver of hope that it will happen for you one day. hugs.

  2. I am so sorry hun. there are just no words (((hugs)))

  3. My heart is breaking for you. Please know that You'll be in my prayers tonight, whether you're the praying type or not- it can't hurt. I am very sorry for your pain. If it brings you any comfort, know you are not alone.

  4. I saw you on the bump and I wanted to post on your blog to let you know I am thinking of you. I don't know what else to say. It seems like everything is insult to injury and that there are no words but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and hoping the best for you. When I first went into my RE they suggested DE to me as well due to AMA. Thankfully, that hasn't happened (yet) but you never know what they will suggest. I believe we only had a 20% on our own, and when I mentioned that to my husband he was okay with DE if we had to go that way becuase 40$ is two-fold better than 20%. Maybe your husband will come around. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know you must be going through terrible hurt and pain. I know how hard it is to be happy for others. I get that and can see it when people post on others posts about how happy they are or they post a simple congrats! to those who get KU. Miracles can happen, I hope that you won't give up, but I know that getting your heart broken time and again is completely devestating and I don't know how ppl do it.

    Again, I almost didn't post, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and so sorry for your losses and the BS you are going through-you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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