Sunday, July 11, 2010

Something interesting I found during my "obsessive research phase"

So, while I was absent for the past month or so, I spent a lot of time- that's A LOT OF TIME on the Internet doing some research on sperm fragmentation. I got absolutely nowhere on that front but I did find a very interesting website. I thought it might be helpful to the other ladies in the land of IF. I wish I knew about this site when I was 1st starting my treatments and testing because it has a lot of solid and accurate info. about tests and meds and about how things kind of progress. There aren't a lot of websites out there with such advanced information and I am a little bit impressed. I am so freaking's takes a lot to impress me. There are some interesting blogs listed( managed by professionals and specialists) and a "Dr. of the Month" section that is worth chcking out but I particularly enjoyed the "Emotional Issues" section. Sometimes, we are very hard on ourselves when we are feeling especially vulnerable and we shouldn't be, KWIM? Good job, Fertility Authority

This is the part where I say that I do not work for them and I am not affiliated in any way. I am not accepting money from them I just see worthwhile information that I want to pass on to people to be helpful. One of the contributors was the Medical Information Director of Resolve. As far as I can tell, there are drug companies and fertility clinics that are advertising on the site so take it for what it's know, use your own judgement. If you are looking for facts...check it out. If you don't like it, don't use it. This blog has always been as much about helping others as it is about helping me so let me know what you think if you would like.

Thanks for reading!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Infertility Tug- O- War

I have played this game before with Drs. When my CD was really bad. The surgeon claimed I did not have Crohn's but the Gastro said it couldn't be anything but that. Finally, my NYC Gastrointestinal Dream Team diagnosed me with Crohn's, came up with a treatment plan and I am in remission. I'm not so lucky on the infertility front.

We saw the Urologist yesterday. He seems to think that H was born with his fragmented sperm. It has nothing to do with the vericocele and there is really no way to fix it. He said that it will decrease our chances in any given IVF cycle but only by about 2-4%...not 10%. I need every damn % I can get! This was my worst case scenario. He suggested that if we were trying to decide btwn. DE and DS, we should buy some eggies. MY RE feels the opposite. He thinks there is no reason why I shouldn't have had sucess by now based on my hormone levels and how I respond to the drugs.

So, I am torn between 2 Drs. feelin like a fool. Yes, I said "I". H is about ready to stop everything. He wants no part of the donor process. He also wants nothing to do with adoption. If it costs too much money...he's out. All he keeps saying is "Everyone else can just have sex and have a kid for free. I'm not spending any more money". (A direct quote,BTW.)Well, you can't and if you want a baby you are going to have to dig deep. I am willing to do anything. He has limits. This is not going to end well....

Why can't I just have a diagnosis and move on? Why the F does everything health related in my life have to be so complicated? Here we are ...needing to make a really tough decision. (If I can get H to see my way.) Try again with our own parts, DS or DE. How can we possibly know which way to go? Especially when 2 different in their field....are giving us conflicting answers! FML.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Sad on so many levels

We went to a wake last night. H's former boss lost his battle with cancer. He fought it 3 times but he was finally ready for it to be over. He had a short but happy life...a beautiful family and lots of good times with them. It was hard to see the family and think about how huge of a loss it is for them. The one saving grace for the Mrs. was the fact that her 2 boys were standing by her side.

I hate funerals and wakes and just thinking about death. It scares me so much. I'm lucky to have my parents but I have lost all but 1 of my grandparents. I don't know how people go on after they lose a spouse. The one thing that is a constant at every funeral I have ever been to: they all have children.

Do I think it makes things easier if you lose a spouse and happen to have children? Nope.

But not being able to have a child is so much more than not being pregnant. Our story would end with us. There is no one to lean on when lives end. No one saving grace. You are truly left alone when you don't have a family.

Sorry for the morbid post. I'm just feeling it today.

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