New day, even less symptoms. Maybe just a touch of heartburn and indigestion but I have had that all along from the progesterone. I should be feeling something by now.... My ovaries did feel a little bloated and sore after my walk this morning but I am not even tired anymore. I did more today than I did all last week and I still have energy......
I saw a cardinal this morning. Playing in the bushes with a Robin. I happened to be listening to a Josh Groban song on my ipod at the time (a song that was played at my beloved Gram's funeral) so I went home and googled "symbolism of a cardinal". I saw a bunch of conflicting answers. Everything from it being a symbol of death (1 person on a message board told a story about how she works for hospice and every time they saw a cardinal, someone passed away. People on message boards don't necessarily have the credibility I am looking for in this instance so I am ignoring this theory.) to a cardinal sighting being a visit from someone who has passed away. This explanation made a bit more sense since I saw the cardinal as I was listening to the song played at my grandmother's funeral. And FYI, if we have a little girl she will be named after my grandmother (or some variation of her name).
The best explanation I found however, was when I googled "religious symbolism of a cardinal". It really seemed to fit my mood and my quest for the meaning of this latest sign. It said "The cardinal bird is symbolic of faith, so it comes to remind us to "keep the faith" though circumstances might look bleak, dark and hopeless."
I have gone back and forth trying to decipher this one. Did a cardinal visit me to tell me that my embies are gone? (death) Is my Grandmother trying to tell me that everything is going to be ok? (visited by a loved one) Is God trying to tell me that this isn't going to happen but I should have faith that my life will have some kind of meaning without a child? Or is He trying to tell me that even though I have no symptoms I should keep the faith that it worked? (religious symbolism)
No way to know until beta day. Next Saturday or Monday. I haven't decided. The most pretigious fertility clinic in the United States does not do pregnancy tests on Saturdays or Sundays. So, even though I paid my $10k + I have to wait an extra 2 days. I can get the test done locally on Sat. but I still can't get the results until Mon. God forbid somebody can read the faxed results and place a call to me. FFS. If my RE can call me at home on a Sat. to tell me blood test results why the F can't a nurse? Grrrr. I bet if Celine Dion wanted her beta on a Saturday they would do it for her.
Well, back to my Beyond Belief marathon. I love when I decide to be a couch potato and something good is on the tube!
Thanks for reading!
I have moved
11 months ago