Sunday, April 11, 2010

4 dp 3dt....trying to distract myself

Was out all day yesterday and had no time to post so here is how I remember it:

Went to a craft fair and lunch with mother and sister...not a cheesy craft fair with nothing but crocheted toilet paper doll covers (please google this and you will die laughing)and homemade sweatshirts with dogs painted on them. It wasn't all country or folksy. This craft fair had some of that stuff but they also had a lot of really nice artwork and food things. I purchased 2 french country inspired pictures. Very reminiscent of things I have purchased from the Ballard Designs catalogue fave! I also picked up some fudge for H and soup mix. My mom bought my 2 yr. old niece the cutest little tutu (she calls it a ballerina skirt)so you see, it was not just an old lady craft fair. I am far too hip for that.....My Gram also stopped by in the evening with some homemade galumpki (stuffed cabbage rolls for the non-Polish readers)so it was a very full day for me.

Symptom wise I am not feeling much. Boobs are still sore and I had very sore ovaries, pubic bone, lower back, thighs and groin after being on my feet for 3 hours. It felt like I was on my last day of stims and I was lugging around 10 eggs on each ovary. I also had a bit of indigestion. All due to the progesterone,no doubt. I am starting to feel like this did not work. I'm definitely not feeling pregnant and I am beating myself up for the sins of the past few days.

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you about another picture I found (or maybe it found me....) It's a picture of a tree with a poem underneath. The poem is called "Living Life" by Bonnie Mohr. The poem really inspired me when I read it. The 1st time I saw the picture I decided to buy it...but I walked away. (Even though the words were beautiful, something in me thought it looked like the opening credits of "Tales From the Darkside".) I saw the picture a 2nd time and it cost more money so I walked away again but I was not as scared of it. The third time I saw the picture I did not like the frame but it was 1/2 the price. At the 4th vendor, I said aloud to Mom and Sis "If I find that picture here, it is meant to be mine." They both said" You won't find it here". But guess what? It is hanging on my wall now. The frame was much more expensive looking and it was $1. cheaper than all the others. If you read the poem you will understand why I decided to buy it. Something in me needed to hear those words and it was like a sign (Oh, really?) Maybe I need to focus on these words in order to have a happy life. Maybe I will not be a Mom and maybe I will need these words to comfort me in the days ahead. It makes me a little sad to think that way but a part of me felt like God was jumping right in front of me and after saying "screw you" 3 times, I finally listened to Him.

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