Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Signs, signs everywhere a sign....

I was washing the coffee pot on Sunday night after dinner, pondering my next cycle. I started wondering if I should cut out coffee again. I mean, I wasn't drinking coffee when I had my longest pregnancy...maybe I should try that again. I love coffee and need at least 1 cup a day...but I kicked the habit once before. Carmel vanilla tea isn't so bad. SMASH! I banged the pot against the faucet and sent glass flying in all directions. Decision made. I quit cold turkey and I have a killer headache to prove it. Sign says: " Yes, Ginger. If you stop drinking coffee, you will get pregnant."

I called the big C to tell them that I got my period and to reserve a spot for my cycle. Luckily, I heard back from the nurse ASAP. (Still waiting to hear from the co-culture coordinator but that's another story) She ordered my meds and told me to start monitoring for my lh surge (ovulation) on Monday, March 1st...my 39th birthday. Sign says: " Yes, Ginger. Starting on your birthday must mean something. You are definitely going to get pregnant."

Another sign? Perhaps. Or perhaps I am being my usual over analytical, obsessive, compulsive self. You see, I look for signs everywhere. I spend so much time looking for signs that I am probably missing critical signs. Me breaking the coffee pot is more likely me being me (Klutzy...my parents used to compare me to a bull in a china shop. My H calls me "crash" sometimes.) and my late period and starting on my birthday is just because of my HSG messing with my cycle. I do have moments of clarity, after all.

I must have some level of A.D.D because when I am in a cycle or whenever anything important is going on in my life, really, I can't focus on anything but that One Thing. You'll see me talking about signs a lot as I move forward with this cycle. You think this is bad? Wait until the 2WW. I find signs in songs that come on the radio or if a commercial for baby anything comes on while I am dreaming about my outcome.

Once, I was convinced I was going to get pregnant because my ET was on my Dad's birthday. Another cycle I was convinced it would work because the due date would have been my H's birthday. My very 1st cycle, I was convinced my pregnancy would have the happiest of outcomes because my in laws were in town and we would be able to tell them in person. (Instead, we told them that I miscarried.) The list goes on and on. Do all women do this? Or am I the only person so desperately searching for meaning in the minutiae? I'm not sure I actually believe in these signs but sometimes you need to take whatever you can to get you through to the next steps. Maybe that's why. Otherwise, I might not move forward. I guess that's just me clinging to hope.

Thanks for reading!

1 comment:

  1. I did this a lot with our last cycle. Had that one worked I would been due right around our Anniversary. And I would have tested on my b-day. Instead I got AF on my B-day. I am trying not to this cycle, I just can't take the hope and then devestation cycle I have been on.


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