Saturday, February 13, 2010

IF sisters and ....brothers?

So, community is a big thing for infertiles. Many of us don't share our stories publicly. (Did you think Ginger was my real name? BTW, my alias is more for the protection of my H than anything.) I belong to at least 3 IF communities (message boards where I regularly post) and I like the support I get. Not to mention, I feel useful when I can help a newbie or someone who has been around the block (but not as many blocks as me) with a question....or even if I can just offer some supportive words when they have a soul crushing experience. This shit happens frequently to women all over the place on a daily basis. It might even be happening to someone you thought you knew fairly well. My point is, we women talk about it. We pacify ourselves by sharing our stories with women going through the same trials and we share our joy with these "sisters" who walk the journey by our sides. I've even have had women in stores, at the salon, in the bathroom at Disney,etc. ask me if I have children. When I say we're trying, half the time,one of these women will confess to me that she did IVF or IUI or that she just had trouble. It still sucks but we are more desensitized than our men because we talk about it.

***Shout out to my friends from the Bump IVFC and TCOYF boards-xoxo!***

H is not anywhere near as comfortable as I am blabbing about our medical history to strangers or acquaintances. He did find out that his carpool friend (Carpool J as I call him) did IVF for his 2 kids ages ago. We're talking pioneers, here. Yay them for paving the way! Anyway, he's quite a bit older than us and his kids are about ready to go to college. He doesn't have any friends closer to our age IRL like I do who are struggling.

Until today....when H came home from the gym (my gentle little giant) he had some news to share. His friend's wife just had a baby. This friend is a guy H worked out with for about 6 years or so. He mentioned to this guy that we have been trying for a while and we are working with Drs. downstate at this point. The guy just blurted "Us too. Have you tried IVF? We did it 3 times and it finally worked" Now, they didn't get into details, but I don't think guys need to like the ladies do. Since MFI is a factor for us, it is a very sensitive subject that he is not willing to share so he just chooses not to talk about it at all for the most part. He is much more private than I am, anyway. I was so proud of him for talking about it. He even had a little smile on his face when he told me, like it was ok since he knew somebody else. I suppose he felt a level of comfort because his friend "went there" first. I am really thankful for that. A small part of me was happy because he was able to get a little taste of the kind of support and (I suppose) bonding that I feel when I visit my favorite message boards.

So ladies, take it easy on your man. If he's anything like my man, he probably can't vent to anyone the way you can and he is trying to be strong for you. If you're like me, when you are in a cycle, you are so wrapped up in what's happening to you because you're taking the shots and dating the dildo cam and getting your ass to the RE at 7 am for blood draws. All that is true, but chances are, you have somebody you can blab to about how bad it sucks. He might not.

Thanks for reading! Go hug that man!

1 comment:

  1. This was sweet. I know my husband has gotten a lot more open as time has gone on...when he needs time off work, etc...he has finally stopped the general "shes having surgery" lines and has gotten a little more personal. I'm glad he has. He too has learned of so many work-connections who have experienced IF, as well as their routes (IVF, adoption, etc). Me? I'll talk about it with the mailman if he asks: :)


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