So, I haven't posted for a while. I am still in my crazy 2WW limbo. Still bleeding and cramping off and on. I am having some pregnancy symptoms but that can be quite normal for me from the progesterone. The clinic doesn't do betas on the weekend so they tried to force me to wait until Monday....just like the last time. I managed to bully them into bringing me in for an early beta today (it's only 1 day early,really). The joke's on me though because they haven't called. I don't even know if they will give me the results if I call tomorrow since they don't do betas on the weeeknd. So, I'm obviuosly pissed. I didn't NEED to get up at 7 to get to the lab early and spend an extra $20 if I'm just going to get the results on Monday anyway. I also have to open a new bottle of PIO tonight. Another waste of money.
I was going to make a Thanksgiving post but honestly I'm not feeling very greatful for anything. I have a wonderful husband and a nice house and car and that's a lot more than most people. But between what I have been through with the Crohn's and the losses and the fact that IVF has basically been my job for about 3 years now, I just can't seem to bring myself to say thanks for it. I read loads of FB posts yesterday about how thankful people are for their children and how blessed they are. All I feel is cursed. So...thanks for the pain and suffering and broken heart and for the loads of pregnant women I am surrounded by and for the constant reminder of what I don't have since I see happy families everywhere I turn. Maybe a better person could find blessings in that but that's not me....this is what bitter looks like. I am the person no one wants to be....the one that every IFer give thanks that they are not. On the wrong side of the odds...
***Update***
The Dr. on call just called me back and said that they never received the bloodwork. Ummmm.....I left the nurses a message at 8am that I had my blood drawn. If they didn't receive it shouldn't they have called to let me know? I did my part. Why can't people just do their jobs? The RE told me to call tomorrow if I don't hear from anyone by noon. My situation is shitty enough without having to wait an extra day for my negative. Crack open the new bottle of PIO, Honey.....
I have moved
6 years ago
(((hugs))) I am keeping every finger, toe, and split end crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteHoping the bleeding is nothing to worry about and that you get your good news soon. Hugs! I knew a woman who bled through her entire 1st trimester and she just delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I am also in that same "not so thankful" boat with you. I know the messages of hope and inspiring stories are great, but sometimes it hurts to hope. I've said for a while now that Hope is a rotten little girl that sits in the corner poking you with a sharp stick, begging you to pay attention to her. But inevitably, as soon as you turn to look at her she goes away and your left looking at an empty corner and nursing the wounds of being poked by her sharp stick. So yeah, I hear ya and I understand. I pray you do get your BFP this time, but I also know sometimes its just easier to be cynical and bitter then to let that little girl hurt you yet again.
ReplyDeleteDont be to down on yourself for not being overly thankful this year. Perhaps next year will be easier for both of us.