Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Your guess is as good as mine....

I just want to know. I don't want to wait until tomorrow. I am thinking about buying a stick and testing myself. I think I need to rip the band aid off.....

Today, I have cramps along with the tummy troubles that come along with a visit from Flo. It could be because I have pantyhose on...I haven't worn them since like, May....maybe they are squeezing my colon too tightly. My boobs aren't really sore anymore, though and my nipples aren't big like all the other times I was pg. That was always a sure sign for me so I think I know how this is going to go.

The one thing I do have going for me is the fact that I'm not spotting yet. I always spot the day before my period and that happened during cycles #4 and #5, too. Cycle # 6 was a big fat failure and I got my period 6 days after my transfer so at least I've passed that mark......

I suppose my erratic behavior could also be considered a pg symptom at this point but it could be good old fashioned PMS on steroids (or estrogen and progesterone to be more precise). I yelled at my husband this morning...he was rushing around and doing a lot of banging and mumbling so I told him to get his shit together and stop "angry talking". I don't know what I meant by angry talking and neither did he because the look of confusion on his face as he repeated the words "angry talking" sent me into a fit of giggles that lasted for about 15 min. I probably have laughed that hard about 5 times in my whole life....I was making noises I didn't know I could make. As a matter of fact, every time I see that look in my head I LOL. That is how I do a mood swing.

Tomorrow is not only my beta day but it is significant in other ways,too. It's the 4 year anniversary of the passing of H's favorite uncle. They were very close. His wife is H's godmother and her and I are a lot alike. She was never able to have children and I know she regrets it so she is very sensitive to what we have been through. She has always been very supportive of me and H and she does not hide the fact that we are her favorites in the family. I know she wants this for us and I can only imagine H's uncle does,too. It would be so unbelievably perfect if we find out tomorrow that I am pregnant.

Also, tomorrow is "peace day". I have never heard of it but after a quick visit to Google I'm up to speed.

From the official "Peace Day" website:

"The International Day of Peace ("Peace Day") provides an opportunity for individuals, organizations and nations to create practical acts of peace on a shared date. It was established by a United Nations resolution in 1981 to coincide with the opening of the General Assembly."

"Peace Day should be devoted to commemorating and strengthening the ideals of peace both within and among all nations and peoples…"

"International Day of Peace is also a Day of Ceasefire – personal or political. Take this opportunity to make peace in your own relationships as well as impact the larger conflicts of our time."

BINGO....my connection.

I'm no hippie...sure, world peace would be great but I'll admit that it's not the focus of my prayers. So, I'm choosing to apply it to my own personal relationships as stated above. Specifically, my relationship with IF and my body with it's poor quality eggs.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if my body decided to make peace with me and just get pregnant already? Maybe Uncle Charlie can help work on that,too. Perhaps he can speak to the angels or whoever is in charge up there and see to it that I have a strong, healthy beta tomorrow. I think that would make his nephew and his widow very happy....me too.

Pray for me, people.

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