Sunday, September 25, 2011

Genetic failure

We planted some mums last year in front of our house. They were a really pretty,rich orangey-red color. Somehow, they are coming up purple. I hate purple. I certainly don't want it in front of my house because it does not match. I know that your flowers don't have to match your house but I want my flowers to match my house. That's just my taste.

When we went out to buy some new mums, we asked the guy at the greenhouse about our mysteriously changing plant and we got a genetics lesson. He told us that one of 2 things are possible: 1.) We could have had a mum in the offensive purple color planted next to the color we expected to come up and a root from that purple one or even a bee could have polluted/pollinated our beautiful autumnal hued mum. That was certainly not the case because I don't buy purple flowers. 2.)Mums originally only came in like 2 colors...the rest of them are all hybrids. Today's hybrids are the results of endless crosses between several species from China and Japan. They can actually "revert" back to their original color at any time. Who knew? You may have but I am clueless when it comes to gardening.

I can't seem to escape the subject of genetics.

We all know that my crappy eggs are the reason I can't maintain a pregnancy. Like the mums, if I buy eggs from somebody else and mix them with H's sperm what am I going to get? I thought being pregnant was the most important thing since I feel like that is the only way I can heal from my miscarriages. I feel like a "do over" will be the only way for me to move on but I'm not sure anymore. I'm starting to get really sad about not having a genetic connection to my child. As much as I want to be pregnant, I am scared to death to play with genetics. I have already failed miserably with my own DNA but what happens when we bring a 3rd person into the mix? I don't want it to be purple mums all over again. I'm so scared to mess with a human more ways than one. I think I would have a nervous breakdown if I had a failed DE cycle. We've already been through too much. There is just so much to think about and while I knew it was possible this day was coming, I now know that I am not prepared for it.


  1. The decision to move on to DE is not an easy one. We were never really given a chance at an IVF cycle with my eggs, so the news was devastating. I went through all the stages of grief. We were fortunate that my sister volunteered to be our donor - but that has brought with it a whole new set of worries now that I am pregnant - with her egg. While we look a lot alike, there are, of course differences. When we found out we were having a girl, I was pretty upset - not that I don't want a girl - I was upset because I worried that she will look more like my sister than like me. I believe I would have the same feelings if the donor were anonymous. After getting the news that we were pregnant I think I went through a secondary bout of grief over the lack of this being from my egg. BUT, those feelings have receded and I am truly happy to be expecting a baby - no matter where the egg came from, she is ALL MINE - and she always will be. I know that when/if we decide we want to add to our family the next donor will be anonymous because my sister didn't respond well to stims and we were left with only 3 embies, we tranferred all three and one made it.
    Using a donor isn't an easy decision - and not one to take lightly. If it isn't something you are ready to do - now or ever, then that is OK. You have to make that decision based on what you feel is best for your family.

  2. I can only imagine the decision to use donor eggs is a complicated and difficult one (to say the least), but I must say, even if you use your very own genetic material you can still make purple mums. It's the chance you take with conception! I believe a lot in the intention behind an the way I see it, no matter whose genes are used, you would be helping to create a miracle to potentially welcome in to the world. Best wishes!


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