If you know me, you know I don't like to venture out on a work night. Dinner out-fine, hanging out with friends-ok but meetings or classes or anything that requires me to use my brain is usually off limits. I like to unwind after dinner and get to bed before 10. (The alarm goes off at 5:30 and T-fire starts shortly after. I need to get enough sleep so I can kickbox those calories away.)
However, last Monday night, I was actually looking forward to leaving the house to attend an adoption fair held by a local adoption support organization. There were lots of agencies in attendance representing every type of adoption from domestic infant to foster to international along with a few lawyers,adoptive parents and social workers. H and I got quite the education. We basically learned that we have a LOT to learn. We spoke to 5 different agencies and crossed 2 off of our list right away. We are still investigating the other 3...I plan to ask for references good and bad and I also joined the support organization. We made some great connections...with agency staff and with members of the support organization. I'm looking forward to attnding some of their seminars and speaking with others in similar situations.
H is starting to understand the process a bit better - he definitely knows that he likes the agencies where you don't have to pay for everything up front. It's a bit overwhelming because unlike fertility clinics, all adoption agencies do not charge the same way. Some want you to pay up front and you lose your money if the birth mother backs out. Some don't penalize you if the birth mother changes her mind but you might have a longer wait or they might charge more overall. Like IVF, it's more gambling but with better odds. You have to decide how much risk you are going to take and how broad you want your requirements to be.
Keep in mind that we are just beginning the process so I apologize if this sounds too simplistic. And if I touched on everything, you would get confused and I'd probably lose you because the material is kind of dry. There are just so many decisions to make and there is so much work to be done. I was hoping for a little break in making life altering decisions that I have to wrestle with for days and reach deep into my heart to find the answers to but I guess that's life.
All in all, I am so thankful we attended and so grateful to my friend N for letting me know. I wanted to pay it forward and help one of my friends so I told her. H & I had fun hanging out with them and laughing about our IVF escapades. I think that made H feel better too, knowing that there are real people out there who are struggling with the same stuff that we are. It can be very isolating.
So, to recap....we are going to take the next month or so to ask some more questions of the agencies we are interested in and hopefully, we will make a decision after the holidays. We are hoping to sign with an agency very early next year. In the meantime, the planner in me has started writing a bio for our adoption profile.
Always trying to be one step ahead.....
I have moved
10 months ago