Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Don't call it a comeback....

or a resolution....please! This had been a gradual development. The fact that it happens to be near the beginning of the new year is purely coincidental.

Slowly but surely, things are getting back to normal. I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm returning to who I was before the 2 year Crohn's flare and before all this IF stuff. I'm making plans again and meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. I am determined to live in the moment instead of living for the next fertility treatment. I am still planning our next move but I am going to enjoy my life in the meantime. I can't keep believing that everything will be fine once we have our child. Hopefully, it will happen but I don't want to waste any more precious time worrying about it. I owe it to myself, my husband and our marriage to make the most of my life. Life is hard enough without me walking around with a black cloud over my head.

I'm sure I will still have sad days...and days when I won't feel like meeting friends for lunch or going to another party (I am a woman with hormones after all)but I hope those days are fewer and far between. I'm not naive enough to think I can change overnight or that I won't carry around a certain sadness until I hold my own child but I am going to try my hardest to NOT focus on all that.

I just made plans with some very good friends that I haven't seen in 3 years and I am over the moon! I cannot wait to see them. They don't know what I have been dealing with for the past few years. They know about the miscarriages but not about the IVF. To tell or not to tell? Should I tell them when I see them....or warn them before. A part of me feels the need to explain and apologize, too. For a good part of my adult life these girls knew the most about me and were my closest friends and I lost touch with them like so many others.....On the one hand, I feel like they should know why I have been so distant and they certainly have always supported me with everything. On the other hand, as I try to move forward, it might actually take me backwards, KWIM? I am so tired of defining myself by my IF.

Thanks for helping me work through this....and I'll let you know what I decide about the girls.

1 comment:

  1. If they are good enough friends, it would be a form of therapy:]


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