Weighing the options...

I did it. Another consult at yet another clinic. We're back to the local scene this time....at the place where we probably should have begun our journey but who knew?

All in all, we both left feeling pretty good. Although we always do.(Yes, H broke down and came to the consult.) REs have a way of making you feel so great about your next plan of action. It's when it's over and they tell you that you fell on the wrong side of the odds...AGAIN that you start to wonder why you cycled again.

This Dr. K is a positive guy. I was "warned" by several people just how positive he is. I guess I expected that it would feel a little hokey but we really had the opposite experience. Dr. K is very big on the words you use and visualization. He buys into all the mind/body connection stuff like acupuncture and Mayan massage and yoga and support groups. It's kind of cool and honestly, if we are going to go through this again, I am going to need a cheerleader by my side reminding me to stay positive. His staff is just as upbeat as he is and it had such a different feel than any other place we have been. I expected the medical part to be a bit basic but they are actually doing a lot of the same stuff that the big clinics in NYC are doing and he was very knowledgeable about the extensive testing and protocols littering our charts.

So, as far as the technical stuff goes, Dr. K had even more tricks up his sleeve than some of my other REs. Here's what:(I sound like Andy Co.hen)

1. He wants to do a combo lap/hysteroscopy to see if I might have endo and it's always good practice to check a "polyp prone ute" like mine, especially after taking such a long break. Everyone has always attributed my pelvic pain to Crohn's related stuff but endo should be ruled out. I was going to ask for this anyway because it should be done if we are going to spend loads of money on eggs.

2. About the eggs: he gave us a 10% shot with my own eggs (OE) and a 50% shot with donor eggs (DE). Not great odds either way, really.

3. He has H taking clomid and HCG shots to maximize sperm quality. H mentioned that he wanted to take HCG shots for dietary reasons (it's like the hot new diet fad) and I told him no. Now he is all excited about it and thinks he will get really lean again. I just hope he doesn't get bitchy becasue clomid made me evil.

He also suggested a few non traditional things:

1. Me going to the monthly support group. Apparently, women who attend support groups have a higher birth rate. Who knew? That would have been kind of hard for me at the other clincs since it is a 3 hour drive...each way!

2. Continue with Acupuncture and Chinese herbs.

3. Mayan abdominal massage

4. Think positive!

The surgery is set to happen in about 2 weeks or so. Once we get the results of the findings we will decide how to proceed. I am leaning towards DE, H is leaning toward using my eggs one more time. Mostly based on finacncial reasons. We have some issues with some investements right now and he is reluctant to spend a chunk of cash on anything. I could probably get a small portion of a cycle with my eggs covered by insurance and it would end up being pretty cheap since this place has the rep of being ultra affordable. It might buy us some time too, but at what cost to my body, mind and self esteem ? See why I'm confused?

I would love to hear what you all think. I have already reached out to a few of my friends who have been through it all and have made it to the other side and I have gotten such great advice but it doesn't hurt to get all the opinions you can :)

Thanks for reading my latest novel!

I may regret this....

I am afraid I am opening up a huge can of worms here but I have an IVF consult next week at a local clinic. Not the clinic I started with but another "new agey" type place. I considered consulting there about 2 years ago but H & I decided to head south to NYC instead. You know how that turned out. A whole lotta money and miles and nothing but M/Cs and negatives. I feel like I am taking 2 steps back but right now, this is within our price range. I won't lie: money has become a major factor. The amount we have spent in the past and the amount we are looking at going forward with DE has H crazy.

I am starting to get a little excited and it is making me really nervous. "Stomach upset" nervous. I have not cycled since November and this is probably the longest break we have taken. I can practically feel my 40 year old eggs spoiling as I type and I wonder if it is too late. It's not like I have a lot of time if we are going to go for a hail Mary cycle with my DNA one more time. I have definitely been procrastinating. I think I am just so ready to move on with someone else's eggs...except for the financial commitment, that is. I suspect that this new RE may not even recommend anything other than DE based on our history. We wouldn't use this clinic for DE so I am hoping he may want to take a shot at my eggs. I guess I'll find out next week.

My main goal this weekend is to convince H to come to the appt. with me. He feels like it will all end badly and I think he is protecting himself by distancing himself from this new clinic. I have gotten myself back into shape again and I'm feeling so good since I haven't been pumping fertility drugs into my system. He says that I am happier and more energetic than he has seen me in years. He also feels like if it's not NYC, it's not going to work. Part of me feels that way, too. Do we bother moving forward if our hearts aren't in it 100%? Let the over-thinking begin (again).