Scared pissless

DAY 1.

The past few days have been a colossal cluster fuck. I don't even know where to begin but let me try.

To say I expected things to go smoothly is an understatement. While the lap was a new procedure to me, the hysteroscopy was my 3rd and all of the motions felt quite routine: fasting after midnight, showering with special soap, dressing in comfy clothes and sneaking sips of water despite the pre-op instructions to abstain. I get too thirsty and if I am too dehydrated they will never get a needle into my roll away veins. I even did 40 min. of yoga when I woke up to get me into maximum relaxation mode. H and I got to the "hospital" at 9:30 on the dot and I was feeling very zen. I should tell you that when I say "hospital" I actually mean "a big hospital like structure with no emergency room whose sole purpose is to birth babies and perform female surgery". I'm not sure who had the brilliant idea to integrate super fertile women with women who need to have various surgeries before they can even think about conceiving but what a shithead.

We were having a great time...laughing with our nurse, blowing kisses at each other when we thought no one was looking and planning out how to spend our low key weekend. The last thing I expected was for the Dr. to find endo. Maybe a polyp and maybe a little scarring in my ute.... but how does a woman go through IVF 6 times at 3 different clinics, have multiple pregnancy losses and this never gets checked out? I've been scratching my head for days. After I got over the shock of being cut (yes, just 3 little incisions), my next focus became peeing.

All in all, I didn't feel as bad as I was expecting. At first. I kept hearing about the gas and bloat and how terrible it was but I had yet to experience that. I felt fine. I ate my crackers and drank my ginger ale and started daydreaming about the spinach and tomato omelet I would have when I was finally sprung. But, alas. I did not pass the pee test.

We tried everything from a warm peri bottle squirted on my crotch to hot coffee in my mouth but my bladder wouldn't budge. When the last nurse in the out patient surgery wing was due to go home, the decision was made to move me upstairs to a "holding room" where I could be monitored while I waited for my bladder to catch up to my brain. We're talking after 5. They fed me and plied me with fluids....both IV and drinkable but no luck. I started to get really uncomfortable. Between the gas pains that were starting, the influx of fluids and the panic that began to set in, it was clear I was not going anywhere.

My final attempt to pee had me doubled over with cramps and in pain from my bladder to my ribs. I was given a catheter but not before I asked for pain meds. With a shot in the ass and a tube up my crotch, I filled my 1st bag of urine pretty quickly. Make that red urine. There was blood coming from somewhere....something we had to investigate before I could go home. I should have insisted on a more private room for my extended stay but I was pretty doped up and H had gone home by the time this all happened. I think it was around 7. He came back around 9 to deliver magazines and lip smacker and I persuaded the nurse to roll a tv over to my spot so I could watch the Real Housewives. I fell asleep assuming that I would be released early the next morning if I kept drinking my water and if I stayed hooked up the the IV all night. The good thing about staying in the hospital is that they give you your pain meds on schedule so I was pretty comfortable and confident that I would be back in my own bed soon enough.....

...until I woke up with a searing pain in my lower abs. Why? A kink in the catheter tube! And lots of blood and urine backed up into my bladder. I think I got extra pain meds for that but still not a fun way to end my 1st day of recovery. I thought this was the worst it could possibly get.....but I was so wrong. I'll have to fill you in on the rest a little later. Time to empty my cath bag.