I may regret this....

I am afraid I am opening up a huge can of worms here but I have an IVF consult next week at a local clinic. Not the clinic I started with but another "new agey" type place. I considered consulting there about 2 years ago but H & I decided to head south to NYC instead. You know how that turned out. A whole lotta money and miles and nothing but M/Cs and negatives. I feel like I am taking 2 steps back but right now, this is within our price range. I won't lie: money has become a major factor. The amount we have spent in the past and the amount we are looking at going forward with DE has H crazy.

I am starting to get a little excited and it is making me really nervous. "Stomach upset" nervous. I have not cycled since November and this is probably the longest break we have taken. I can practically feel my 40 year old eggs spoiling as I type and I wonder if it is too late. It's not like I have a lot of time if we are going to go for a hail Mary cycle with my DNA one more time. I have definitely been procrastinating. I think I am just so ready to move on with someone else's eggs...except for the financial commitment, that is. I suspect that this new RE may not even recommend anything other than DE based on our history. We wouldn't use this clinic for DE so I am hoping he may want to take a shot at my eggs. I guess I'll find out next week.

My main goal this weekend is to convince H to come to the appt. with me. He feels like it will all end badly and I think he is protecting himself by distancing himself from this new clinic. I have gotten myself back into shape again and I'm feeling so good since I haven't been pumping fertility drugs into my system. He says that I am happier and more energetic than he has seen me in years. He also feels like if it's not NYC, it's not going to work. Part of me feels that way, too. Do we bother moving forward if our hearts aren't in it 100%? Let the over-thinking begin (again).