CD 16...no Easter miracle

10 eggs
7 mature
4 fertilized

I've never had such a poor fertilization report. I guess that makes sense since we are doing nothing but aging. We are just praying that we have live embryos when we drive all the way downstate on Tuesday for our 3 day transfer.

Cycle # 4 in October was a similar performance:

5 eggs
5 mature
4 fertilized

but only 2 made it to transfer day. My history scares me.

If Jesus Christ can rise from the dead on Easter morning why couldn't He just let me have just 1 baby? Good news is not even possible for us on Easter Sunday when renewed life is the theme of the day.

I'm so sick of praying for a miracle and getting kicked in the crotch every time. It's not like I am asking for millions or cars or fame or fortune. It's a baby. Someone else for H and I to love. H was so sad when we were driving to my parent's house for Easter dinner. He just looked at me and said that he just wants to be driving in the car with a kid in the backseat. He is tired of us showing up everywhere alone while all around us, everyone is toting their little ones. I have done a pretty good job of staying positive for the past 4 years....I have had my down days but now I just feel hopeless. No, it's not over yet but if past performance is any indication, it looks like I am on my way to a child free existence.