10 dp 3dt...Not looking promising

Had a little spotting last night...that's never been a good sign for me. Historically, it's always meant a chemical or that Flow was imminent. I'm a little crampy, too. And no pregnancy symptoms in site :(

I was channel surfing last night and I saw a show about adoption....so I watched for a little while. The couple was a little older than us and they had tried a few times before they finally ended up with a baby.(Imagine being told you were all set and then not getting your baby...a little too much like a miscarriage.) Things had gone wrong and they didn't end up getting babies before. I hope that wasn't some kind of sign that we should adopt because it turned me right off. Adoption, I think, is not for us. I don't think I could deal with the rejection. As the show pointed out, there are so many couples waiting for the same baby. I know you have to do a lot of paperwork and a profile book and basically "sell yourself". Who is going to want to give a baby to a 40 year old woman with Crohn's disease? I was never very good at sales and marketing (I've never won any popularity contests,either)and I resent the fact that I would have to compete to get a baby.

Feeling a little hopeless as I know I can't put myself through another cycle and adoption and DE are probably not options, either. Both are just another level of complication my heart is not ready to open itself up to. Everyone says you know when you've had enough....I think I've reached my threshold.