I'm still here.....

Sorry, I've been MIA. I have been quite busy...family commitments and I am trying to get some personal business taken care of before I start to cycle. ("O WATCH" begins tomorrow!)

Thursday was my niece's 2nd bday and we went to my sister's for tacos. Our N's bday marks a sad anniversary for us...it happened to be the day I found out how bad our MFI is. If you don't think that is a difficult thing to break to your H, then you are sadly mistaken. It's like you always remember where you were when 911 happened.... I remember getting that horrible news the day I went to see my sis and the her baby in the hospital. Low count...IVF is your only option....that may not even work....I fired that GYN the next day. You don't tell someone that kind of shit over the phone, FFS! (For fcuks sake!)

Sometimes, it's so hard. I love my sister (and BIL) and their kids are so darn sweet. I love that I have a relationship with them but at the same time, I ache to hold my own child and to laugh at all the funny things they do and say and to be able to comfort them when they are upset. (I don't necessarily look forward to the bad behavior or the punishing part but I get that it comes with being a parent.) It just reminds me of what I am missing at times. I just smile and laugh...no one would ever guess what my heart is thinking, I'm sure of it. But sometimes, I cry on the way home.

On a happier note.... yesterday I practiced a little retail therapy! Who can resist shopping for spring when it snows for like 5 days straight?

Oh yeah, it's not always about me.... a friend had her ER today. C, I'll be saying novenas for you until beta day!!!!!!! St. Gerard is going to be busy the next couple of months.....

So, I'm back and I'll be better about keeping you in the loop!