Just what the Dr. ordered

For once, it seems like I am on the right track with where this runaway train is headed. I've cycled with my own eggs 7 times and once with donor sperm. I've toyed with the idea of using donor eggs and I've convinced myself that I was pregnant from good old fashioned sex so many times in the past 6 years. Clearly, medical intervention is not working for us.

I was not expecting much going into this WTF. I expected to get AMA speech and for the RE to criticize my old eggs. I thought he would push for us to do a DE cycle so he could get more of our money. He actually told us that he had no advice for us. He only gave us a 40% shot with DE and he told us that adoption was more like 99%. He really seemed to be pushing us towards adoption. He mentioned it more than once...at one point, he even said that he would work with us no matter what but that I have already had my fair share of cycles and various outcomes and that stopping now would not be anything less than noble. His attitude may have bothered me if I wasn't dead set against any more treatments.

I mean, my body has had it and I am so tired of riding the roller coaster of hope. In the past month alone, I have seen 2 (online) acquaintances have 2nd tri miscarriages (one of them was DE)and another who was just diagnosed with colon cancer. Yet another died of a brain tumor right around her triplets 1st birthday. Between the remicade and all the hormones I've taken, cancer is a very real possibility for me. This is where I look at the big picture and cut my losses. I know you have already listened to me give my reasons for giving up on getting pregnant so I'll stop here.

I was in the right place at the right time...adoption has been on my mind and H's...we are on the same page...the same paragraph right now and that is pretty rare when it comes to building our family. The RE basically admitted he doesn't know what to do with me or how to tell me to proceed. There's my final sign. I'm closing the books on ART. It did not help me...I may be worse off....lost babies are worse than no babies for me and cancer is a very legit thing for me to be scared of.

A very good friend sent me a flyer about an adoption fair next week (thanks, N!)and H and I are planning on going. With friends like N and all the other family and friends who are going out of their way to help me and my husband with the adoption process, I feel like we just can't lose. And that is just what the Dr. ordered.... for me, for H, for our relationship and for our future.